Thursday, 15 July 2010

Tricky Shots at Brimham Golf Course

The cast:

Handy Andy Pandy Man, a real life Handy Andy Pandy Man. He is handy at fixing things. He is Andy at fixing things. And he is capable of complete Pandy-monium. He is also a man. A very married man. Soon to be dad. Awwww.

Jess the dog, the brains of the operation. Expert climber, runner, jumper, trouser, sniffer and barker. Jess is female, but don't let that fool you, she is one of the guys. Except that she is also a dog.

Owen, certainly the youngest member of the group; certainly the deadliest. He is trained in mixed martial arts and has an ice cream cone for a nose. He showed the world how it was done that day, creating a legacy which will never be matched. He hasn't even reached ten yet.

Rob, a man who, contrary to his name, will not rob you at all, except if you happen to be a beautiful young maiden in which case he will rob you of your innocence.

Mr Stevie T, the other brains behind the operation. Don't let the clothes fool you, he does have a girlfriend, a lovely girlfriend at that. But this was a day for men only (and Jess) so he had to dress himself.

Jason, aka Jesus, seen here in a rare hatless moment. He supposedly has some geological training, which is apparently useful in places with rocks.

This formidable team of motley men descended on Brimham rocks with only one thing in mind: victory. The rocks at Brimham were laid down in Carboniferous river deposits and eroded by glaciers in the last ice age. It also happens to be one of the world's most challenging golf courses. Spread around the teetering rock formations, in amongst the beautiful cross bedding, are many holes often believed to be impossible. Our boys laugh in the face of impossible. They once said counting to infinity was impossible, until Owen did it in his sleep. They said it was impossible to divide by zero, until Jess did it with her eyes closed. They even said it was impossible for Jason to grow a beard!

Before they started their assault on the infamous golf course, the lads made sandwiches the real way - they cut cheese with a card! Extreme golf must be played on a full stomach. We don't know why. We don't care why. We just like to eat sandwiches with card-cut cheese!

Steve got the ball rolling, or rather, he got the ball flying, flying over more trees than you can imagine, followed by some more trees. The course starts off with an easy shot, lulling you into a false sense of security.

As can be seen here, Owen's skill was unrivalled, we had to up the stakes! Enter Rob, the human golf tee:

Things got intense for Steve early on, when he walked right into the path of Owen's back swing. But Steve took it like a man! A man with no testicles, so I suppose he didn't take it like a man. He carried on is what I am meaning to say.
Pandy was the first to go for one of the infamous tricky shots, hitting it from the tree with such aplomb! "Such aplomb" is the name of Pandy's favourite golf club.
Mid way through the golf game, as we were making good time, we stopped for a break. How do real men take a break? We play Frisbee in precarious places, that's how! (On an extra note, look at that lovely bedding at the bottom left.)

Back to golf and Pandy got a little stuck when he landed a hole in one. The problem was that it was the wrong hole.
Steve then had to show us all how to do it properly, whilst we all watched in awe.
Little did he know that Owen had this little gem up his sleeve. How he fit this whole rock up his sleeve I don't know, but that shot was impeccable, sublime, perfect and just a little awe inspiring. 
Not one to stay in the shadows of others, Rob developed an unorthodox technique which saw him sinking the balls like German U-boats in a minefield (an underwater minefield, like in that game Minesweeper). 
The game did not end there, for there is more to come I just do not have the photographic evidence yet. So I leave you with this cliffhanger:

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